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Which one do you do more often?  Are you more inclined to stick like velcro, or to break loose?  On what does this depend?

Do you keep plugging away at something no matter what? Do you feel that when you’ve made a  commitment, that’s it, and you never give up?  Is loyalty more important to you than self-fulfillment, and that motivates you to stay with things others may have long ago given up on?   Is fear what keeps you tethered to the status quo?  Is it a need to save face?   Is that you, holding on stubbornly and tightly against brutal forces of nature, being whipped about in every direction by the winds of life?   Do you beat a dead horse till even the horse undertaker doesn’t know what to do? Are you so stuck fast to a plan, or to a relationship, that even the most dire signs that it’s never going to work fly past your eyes faster than the speed of light?

Or do you quit a relationship or a venture at the first sign of turbulence? Do you bail when things won’t come together the way you expected they would?  Do you give up on things before there’s even a hint of whether you will or won’t succeed? Are you running for the hills before you have figured out where the hills are, and how to reach them?

There are times when being persistent, times when persevering even in face of great difficulties is an admirable and strong thing to choose to do. There are other times when it is downright ridiculous, or even self-destructive.  Some people, for example, will stay in a relationship or marriage in which they have been neglected, hurt or abused for years, or even decades.  There are a lot of reasons why this happens.  They may have hopes that they will be transformed into a deity who walks on water, and who can turn water into wine, changing all of the negative behaviors and characteristics of their partner or spouse by the wave of a wand, through wishful thinking, manipulation, playing the guilt card, drama, or by emotional, or physical intimidation. They seem to manage to avoid that moment of of clarity when they suddenly “get” that the person they are with is not going to change, and/or maybe that they don’t even have the right to change him or her, let alone the ability.

A lot of our behavior, and even how we define quitting or hanging on has to do with the values and lessons we were taught as children, in our families of origin. Sometimes we develop our ideas as we grow up, and are molded by experiences that make us see things a certain way.

Let’s look at the idea of sticking things out, versus breaking free or quitting. Let’s not attach our biases or judgments as we examine this topic.

Suppose your have made a commitment to a job, or to a marriage that makes you feel trapped, unable to be yourself,  even perhaps to learn who you truly are? Suppose you have done all you could think of doing to make a success of it, but nothing improved after a very long period of time?  You may have looked at other options, gone to see a career counselor, a marriage and family therapist, your clergyman or woman. So if you finally get the courage and make a decision to “break loose”, is that quitting, according to your beliefs and values?   If you have been miserable where you were, if perhaps being there has even been causing you to be sick in one way or another, is it quitting to find a way out of that?  Is it a bad thing, or is it a healthy thing?

I won’t be answering these questions for you. I hope if this question of sticking things out, versus bailing is relevant to your own life in one way or another, that you will continue examining the topic, and will decide if your choices thus far have worked for you, or if something needs to change.

Certified and Credentialed Coach, Iris Arenson-Fuller, PCC, CPC, is a Life and Grief Transformation Coach, Life Reinvention Coach helping people (mostly midlife women, widows and Baby Boomer women}create a better present and a more promising future, no matter what they have been through in the past. She also  has many decades of experience in Adoption Loss and all adoption issues.

Contact Coach Iris: 

ir**@vi*******************.com