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RIP, Bob Kretchko, who passed away earlier this month (Nov 6, 2019) after waging a brave battle with Pancreatic Cancer. Love you, Loretta and Bob.
This was a post on my blog from some time ago.
My good friend, Loretta Kretchko, co-owner with her husband, of Bob Kretchko Antiques, posted on her blog the other day about seasons, as they relate to her life and to their business. I enjoyed reading this. Even though my friend’s blog post was more about her enjoyment of her work, the seasonal changes and how they affect her, it made me think about my own life, and about my work. I know that Loretta will always be someone who knows when it’s good to snuggle under the covers on a cold day, and when she has to get out there and do whatever needs to be done, and whatever feels interesting and energizing.
http://www.bobkretchkoantiques.com/blog/2013/11/24/seasons-come-around/
“…As we approach winter, today is the day I decide to end my year of the outdoor antiquing sesson. As the thermometer is reading 10 degrees I snuggle into my down comforter with my 2 dogs to help keep warm. Even Bob has decided to stay home and he usually waits to the bitter end. This year the Elephant’s Trunk Flea Market will officially end on Dec. 8th.
I love when the spring antiquing season rolls around and the earth awakens from winter hibernation. Getting up to witness the beautiful sunrise and listening to the birds’ chitter chatter is all part of the peacefulness that starts our journey toward tag sales and the flea marketing. .Anticipation of what treasures await to be found…”
Since I am a life coach for people dealing with change, and often very hard changes, I am always observing how our definitions and perspectives of our roles at different life seasons can move us to success and contentment, or to defeat and resignation.
I think that as people age, too many tend to expect to do less and less. We accept this as the norm. I have had conversations with a lot of folks who think it is their “due” to wind down their activities. They believe they have earned the prize of retreating into themselves and into their private worlds. I think overdoing this comes at a big price, though.
On cold winter days, I, too, am tempted to hibernate under my warm comforter and to stop dealing with others, at least for a bit. This does seem more tempting to me the older I get, I am a tad ashamed to admit. We all need to do this, or our own version of it, once in a while. New England winters make it very easy to want to spend an occasional day under the covers, or in front of a good fire in the fireplace. I know myself, and that I am perfectly happy out of the cold, with the company of a new novel or book of poetry. While I enjoy interacting with people, I know that I need to retreat sometimes to charge my batteries, and that I am still more of an introvert than anything else. I know, too, that I can’t give in to my tendency to retreat too often. If I do, my solitude stops being what I need to fuel my soul, and begins to turn into intertia, lethargy, and finally, to depression. I need to get up and get busy and active before that happens..
A friend mentioned to me that he has little to do nowadays, and thinks he needs a new purpose. My response to that was, “YEAH! You sure do.” To me, it’s a no-brainer that we need to stay involved, engaged, busy, active, and passionate about at least one thing, in order to stay healthy and content. That expression “use it or lose it”, doesn’t only apply to sex, but to everything else about living. Without passion for people, for causes that touch us and make us want to help others, and passion for the world around us, (or far from us) we will lose the spark that makes living truly worthwhile. Passion and involvement create more passion. Granted there can be obstacles that keep popping us as we age, but we have to try to figure out things we can do, that are useful, invigorating and that work for us. We may need to modify how we do them, but we must still continue to try, to do our best. We must learn to accept that we are living in the now, rather than in the past, and that we are not exactly the same as we once were.
It really is more about attitude and perspective than about too much else
When we are besieged by problems or crises like death, illness and decline in some of our capabilities, divorce, job loss, and other unfortunate hands that life can deal us, it is understandable that we may absorb the negativity and come to view all things through that type of lens. If our physical abilities decline, it is not easy for most people to stay focused on what they can do, rather than on what they can’t. The frustrations and fears are very real. Yet studies have shown clearly that such negativity breeds more of the same and can also make us prone to certain illnesses, or to worsening of the ones we already have. When we find ourselves able to accept the changes of each season, to make plans that take into account some of the inevitable changes and difficulties that may crop up, and to stay active and engaged in life, we begin to realize that life cannot defeat us. We then refuse to allow that to happen. We find ways to modify how we think. We look for solutions that take into account the obstacles or limitations, be they personal catastrophes or shifts in weather. We learn to look for joy in unexpected ways, from unexpected places, and for solutions to help us, no matter what.
My daughter made a home visit recently for her job. Her client was a woman in her 90’s who had survived breast cancer. Her home was filled with beautiful original paintings. She was working on a new one, and offered to give my daughter painting lessons anytime, when she heard of her interest in art. I love hearing about people like this. I don’t love everything about aging, for sure, but I want very much to be like this artist. I am well aware of the season of life in which I find myself right now. There are signs of it all the time. My body gives me messages that I must sometimes heed, and must sometimes ignore. My perspective is that there is much more that awaits me. I don’t much enjoy sameness or status quo, though there have been times of stress when I would have welcomed less change and more predictability.
How about you? In which season of life do you find yourself right now? What is wonderful about this season? What is not so wonderful? What can you do to adapt to the things that are not perfect, or to see them in a new light? What can you change to add interest, excitement and joy to your current existence? Can you shift your thinking to what you look forward to, rather than to what you dread? I bet you can! If the wind is whistling around you right now and you are too warm and comfortable under the comforter, get up, start moving and start doing something now, please. Focus on a new activity or a new problem. Find something fresh that you can learn about, or someone new to help. Don’t get too comfortable under that down comforter.
You will find yourself beginning the transition from Life Stinks, to Life Shines. It will happen under your very nose, almost without your realizing it is happening, but you must crawl out from under that cozy space. You’ve enjoyed it. You’ve warmed up and it’s time to emerge.
