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infant
Some Comments by Me on Different Stages of Life
 
First Decade (age 0-9) Age of dependency. Our mothers must feed us and clean us.  We learn to walk and talk.  We start our education.
Me: How lucky is a child who has the love and security to be dependent, and to learn. I wish all kids did.
Second Decade (age 10 to 19) – Raging hormones awake our awareness of the opposite sex. We have to learn to channel our primal impulses within the rules of society. Our ability to think logically starts to develop.
Me: Sometimes we learn to channel our primal impulses a bit too much. We start to become who society believes we should be, rather than who we are.
 Third Decade (age 20 to 29) – Early adulthood. We feel independent. We try to find a comfortable niche within society with our first real job and our own partner and family.
Me: In today’s Western world, this phase seems to happen later and later. Helicopter parents and “privilege” stand in the way of maturation and independence at times.
Fourth Decade (age 30 to 39) – The prime of life. We have figured out how the world works. We think that we know what we want. We raise our children, and we plan for our future.
Me: Who said this is the prime of life? People are often really busy and stressed with their careers. I know I was not ready in my 30’s to learn some of the lessons I had to learn, though I had little choice. From my mature perspective, I sure didn’t yet know how the world worked.
Fifth Decade (age 40 to 49) – Middle age. Although we don’t feel old during this decade, the chances of living to twice this age are not very good. We may have a mid-life crisis that forces us to evaluate our life and try to make it better, but it is not easy to change because we have to live within the constraints of our work, family structure, and social environment.
Me: Nowadays many find themselves in the Sandwich Generation and have little time to actually have a mid-life crisis. Yet the questions, fears and insecurities that can cause that type of crisis are there, and need to be addressed. People need to learn to make time for themselves and not just to be caregivers. It is never too late to change, and never easy either.
Sixth Decade (age 50 to 59) – Age of biological decline. We become aware of wrinkles, gray hair, arthritis pains, menopause, and decreased libido. We listen more carefully to advertisements about Cialis and Viagra. We become eligible for membership in AARP. We need reading glasses.

Me: And so what? We can learn to wear our battle scars with pride. If we frame the changes in a negative way, we will grow old quickly and less able to do what we want to.

Seventh Decade (age 60 to 69) – Retirement age. We become eligible for Medicare. If we are lucky and have planned well, we can stop working and start traveling or doing community service. If we have not saved enough to afford retiring, we have to continue working. If our health is not good, we now take medicines for diabetes, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure.

Me:  Hell. why do we have to stop working (unless we want to)?  Just because society says we must?  If we’d paid attention to our needs in the last decade, we might find we don’t need so many of those medications. 

  Eight Decade (age 70 to 79) – Age of decreased mobility. The little pains of twenty years ago have increased so that now they impede what were normal activities. Visits to doctors become more frequent. We may need a cane, hernia surgery, or cataract surgery. Our age spots are harder to cover. Our circle of friends starts to shrink as they start to die. Heart attacks, strokes, and cancer take their toll.

Me: This is the decade where we should actively and quickly seek some good role models for aging(maybe the decade before, actually). Who says we have to decline? If we have medical issues, are we willing to try less traditional ways to deal with them (alone or to supplement traditions methods)? If we frame everything in terms of loss, we are not paying attention to what we have gained through our mature and seasoned perspectives. While our circle of family and friends may have decreased, we learn to cherish those we have, and to be more selective in with whom we spend our time. Some of us, if lucky, get to learn this at a much younger age, but some of us are slower learners.
Ninth Decade (age 80 to 89) – Age of assisted living. Even if we can still take care of ourselves, we may need somebody to help us clean the house, go shopping for us, or prepare our food. Health problems become more severe. We may become incontinent and have to wear adult diapers. Most people will not live beyond this decade.
Me: This is so hard to watch, and so hard to go through. We have most likely spent our lives being caregivers. It’s our time to bask in the love and care we so richly deserve, and not to be ashamed of needing it. We should hang on to whatever independence we can, but must not reject help , tools or methods that support us, because we feel they are demeaning, or dependent, when they can, in fact, help us to be safer and to lead a more pleasant life.
Tenth Decade (age 90 to 99) – Pre-centenarian. Congratulations! if you have made this far, it means that you have good genes, fewer or less severe health problems than the average person, and good family support. If you are still active, you may live to be a centenarian. The life expectancy at age 90 is 3.8 years, and by age 99 the life expectancy drops to 2.1 years. Every day may be a struggle for life. There can be digestive problems, cardiovascular problems, mobility problems, or immune system problems on any given day.
Me: While I don’t dispute any of the above paragraph, there can also be pride in the wisdom we have acquired, if we still have our faculties, and joy in our children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, if we are fortunate and blessed. There is also deep sorrow, in that we have more than likely experienced great losses in our lives. For many of us this sorrow sets in long before this age. There is a privilege, though, to be able to share our wisdom and experience with younger people, if they let us., and if we are able to do so in a way that isn’t preachy , and focused only on ourselves. We surely don’t have to wait until we are in our 90’s to do this sharing. In doing so, we are giving a gift to the younger generation, and augmenting the legacy we leave.
SPOTLIGHT:

Iris Arenson-Fuller says:  “I have spent the majority of my life as a helping professional. As a life and loss transformation coach, I specialize in loss, trauma, tough life changes and adoption issues/adoption loss.  I am so fortunate that in this work, I get to see people stop suffering, stop simply surviving and learn to access the skills and mindset that allows a new life of joy, peace and purpose. I get to have a front-row seat as they reinvent themselves, solve their problems, change their perspectives and begin to reap the benefits.”

The best part, because I am all about building relationships, is that most clients stay in touch and let me know their triumphs and progress on a regular basis. Their successes and joys are fuel and inspiration to keep me reaching out to help others.

Are you going through a big change, a tough stage of life, or do you feel that you want and need to make changes that you could use some help with?

Contact me soon.

ir**@vi*******************.com