This post about “lockdown loneliness” is for you if you live alone,  regardless of the reason you do.  It was written for widows in a group I ran for about eight years. It certainly applies to anyone without a companion now who was self-isolating and feeling the effects in this era of Covid 19.  The worse part of the Pandemic is over, but Covid is still here.  There are also many who are isolated and alone for other reasons and it takes a terrible toll. Even those who have someone else in the household may find this useful.

Loneliness is something most people feel at one time or another.  For widows, this is an especially pertinent topic, as the loneliness is deeply felt, even when days are packed with things to do, responsibilities and chores.  But then come the evenings and for many, the dreaded weekends.  Now that most of us are on lockdown, many completely by themselves, this feeling is intensified.

It’s a good idea to plan certain things in advance for times when that loneliness creeps in strongly.  There is not a perfect solution, of course, but having some pre-planned activities to fill the time when you feel low, can really help.

Those of you who have kids, even if they are grown up now, may remember setting aside a collection of rainy day activities, or games and other things to occupy the kids on a long road trip. Well, why not make yourself a lonely day or night activity kit that you can pull out when there’s nothing to do, and when those bleak and alone feelings start to invade?  There really is more to do than Netflix!  I’m not knocking old movies, or new shows, but we shouldn’t spend so much time sitting around on our duffs.

Do you have a pretty basket? How about a cardboard box you can decorate, or just line with a piece of fabric?  Maybe fill it with some nice writing paper, stamps, envelopes, a few crossword puzzle books or word finds. Letter writing is almost a lost art.   You might want to revive it during these crazy times.  You can get some coloring books, crayons, colored pencils, craypas, oil pastels, or even watercolor paints. If you don’t have those on hand and aren’t going out at all, you can order them on line. If you find coloring books kind of lame, then maybe get a sketchpad. They actually have some sophisticated coloring books made just for adults, with complex designs, mandalas, nature pictures, etc. We have a great store here in the New England area, called Ocean State Job Lot, where you can get a ton of art supplies, books and other things pretty cheaply. They are open because they also sell some food and cleaning supplies.  Do you have something like this where you live?

Anyway, you’re limited only by your imagination with what you can put into your basket or activity box. Even if you’re not artistic, you can try doing a project just for fun. Remember, there’s nobody around to criticize.  It’s about filling the time and having fun. It’s about distraction!   Perhaps you want to pull out an old unfinished craft project, sewing project or knitting?

For weekends, make a list of friends or relatives to whom you haven’t spoken in a while.  Commit to yourself that you’ll call one or two a day, or every weekend.  Be honest when you call and say you’re lonely, if you need to, and that you’d like to chat. If they don’t have time, ask for a call-back when they do and move on to another person on your list.

Now that the weather is getting nicer, make yourself take a walk. Remember scavenger hunts? Try a sort of mental scavenger hunt. Note how many things you see and when you get home, make a list. Perhaps engage a friend in this as a sort of competition. Even if you are taking your walk on your own, you can compare notes and see who noticed and listed more sights…a pretty bird?.. some beautiful flowers blooming?  Or just walk and wave to people and smile at them. It will lift your spirits.

If you are not getting out much, or just walking to your mailbox, try challenging  yourself to walk up and down your driveway or your street, adding distance each day.  Step counters are inexpensive, or just set your own milestones and attempt to go a bit further each time.  Can you think of some sort of reward for yourself at the end of a week or two of this?

Reach out, rather than pull in! That’s too tempting to do, especially if you are still grieving the loss of someone or feeling especially blue because of what is going on in our country and in the world.

Bake some cookies or muffins, divide up the batch and leave some on a neighbor’s doorstep.  Perhaps don’t even tell them they are from you. Brighten someone else’s day with your surprise. You may be astonished at how good this feels.   Make a goodie bag for a friend, a neighbor or a grandchild.  Even with this social isolation, you can do things to help you feel closer to people.

It really is about imagination, about not spending time feeling too sorry for yourself and preparing in advance for when the awful feelings hit.  Have a Kindle or another tablet? Get a few books that appeal but save them for times when you really need something to do and just can’t go anywhere.  It’s about knowing these lonely, or even bored times will happen and being prepared.  I’m not saying don’t ever give in to those sad or lonely feelings and thoughts. You probably know I’d never say that. Just limit how much time you spend sitting and going over the sad and the negative. If you need to, have that cry, but limit it and go do a pre-planned project or activity.  If someone isn’t available to reach out to, to nourish, then reach out and nourish yourself.

I sure wish we knew when this would all end, but we don’t and we are forced to make the best of it.

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If you are a widow, by the way, of any age or stage, come join my free Facebook group, Widows Rebuilding Life. If you need some more in-depth help in rebuilding your life, give me a holler and we can set up a time to talk about private coaching (a true investment in yourself) or my small and personal group that is online, but also has monthly group phone or Zoom sessions.

Remember, I don’t only work with widows. I help people who have been through, or are going through tough life changes, loss and grief of any type, who are ready to reinvent their lives.

ir**@vi*******************.com

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“Why do people have to be this lonely?  What’s the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why?  Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?”- Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart