Life after loss and trauma is just different than how it once was, no matter how healed you think you are, or how hard you have worked to do that healing. When there are images of loss and devastation in the media, it can bring up a lot of powerful and difficult thoughts and feelings for anyone. For people who have lived through certain traumatic experiences, this is often magnified. I think we heal to an extent but perhaps never completely. We are forever changed.
Triggers
When I see footage of fires, of earthquakes, of building collapses or shootings, the feelings that are evoked in me are similar to those I felt for a very long time after my first husband died in a fire and our home was mostly destroyed. When I hear the survivors and loved ones of such events speak about their experiences and their pain, I may even begin to feel sick. Even if I don’t, the tears often begin to flow. A lot of time has passed since this tragedy happened to me, to us. Decades have passed in fact, but these reactions come from a place deep within. They can take over my senses at times. They can bring me right back to that awful emotional space where I lived for so long.
Even if the circumstances I am watching or hearing about are entirely different, the raw emotions, terror and angst of loss are still all too familiar. The triggers can sometimes begin a chain reaction, though I am certainly in a much better placer emotionally now and have come a long way in my grief journey. I know when I have a flashback of that prior time of horror, I must put in place all of the tools and techniques I have learned over the years. I am fortunate to have learned many, both in the school of living and through formal training.
Sometimes a booster shot with a coach, or in the past, with a good therapist has been needed to help me through and beyond. (When we are talking about coaching, the BEYOND is the operative word for me.)
What Works For You?
What do you do to help you through and beyond when your own triggers are activated? Where do you turn for help? Who or what are the supports in your life? Who are your own cheerleaders and accountability partners? Is it/ Are they enough? Has it all been working for you? Do you need something more?
Measuring
What are the metrics you use to measure your own progress? (In other words, are you better this month than last? …Better this year than last year?..And how do you know?) It’s important to notice progress, ways of feeling better, ways of coping better. You can assess your own accomplishments, not in a judgmental way, but in a way that gives you more information and increases your motivation to do more and to feel better. The more needs to be based on your own goals and not on the expectations of other people! That’s so important. Sometimes, though, we need others to point out our improvements because we tend not to see them on our own.
Just remember please, that we are all works in progress. I applaud you for the progress you have made and wish you strength for whatever lies ahead in your own journey.
Iris Arenson-Fuller, PCC is a Life and Grief Transformation/Life Reinvention Coach and a poet/writer.
Iris helps people (mostly midlife women, Baby Boomers and widowed women) find new purpose and passion and reinvent their lives no matter what they’ve been through. She will help you figure out how to transform past pain or difficult life stories into learning you can leverage to be a happier, more successful person.
She is an expert in grief and loss issues and at figuring out how to make lemonade out of those sour lemons.
Please spend some time on this web site looking around. There’s lots here you may find useful.
Contact Iris to set up an exploratory call to determine if coaching is right for you and if you and she are a good match. I invite you to have a conversation.
Iris’s poetry collection is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and other select retailers. Come read the reviews by poetry lovers and by those who think they don’t “get” poetry, but are pleasantly surprised!
