I would like to introduce you to a different sort of IRS. It stands for  Incredibly Relaxed State. You can train yourself to create and use some relaxation tools and visualizations that will easily transport you to such a state. This is an IRS you will learn to  like, once you befriend it, and it is at your beck and call.  When you use your new relaxation tools, you will start to feel the opposite of the way we are when we fill out our taxes, or when we receive a letter from the  “Tax Man”, better known as the Internal Revenue Service. We just passed our tax filing deadline here in the U.S., so I think many of you know how the initials IRS can evoke some pretty unpleasant emotions.

Many of us feel automatic fear, annoyance, disgust, anger, anxiety, and more, when we think about the IRS (or its equivalent in other countries).  If we go through our mail and find an envelope with IRS on the return address, when we open it, our hearts may race, our fingers and knees may shake, and more. We may not really have a reason to be fearful, but this seems to be a knee jerk reaction for a lot of people, when it comes to our official government tax collectors.

Clients will very often tell me the things that put them in a place of super stress. They don’t seem to have much trouble identifying what gives them anxiety, and what makes their lives unpleasant.  I find it takes a lot more prodding, and much thought for them to begin to identify the things that bring them to that highly desired, but usually not easily achieved, “Incredibly Relaxed State”.  Sometimes people seem to get very animated while talking to me about what stresses them out.  I can hear the stress in their voices, and, if we are in the same room, can see their muscles tense.   They are so accustomed to the chemical effects that stress has on their bodies, that even describing it brings on some symptoms.  It becomes too easy for them to evoke that negative state because they are, in a sense,  almost addicted to the stress, and to what happens to their body when they feel it, even when it is an unpleasant feeling.

So how do we get our bodies to welcome an Incredibly Relaxed State?  How can we learn to immediately recognize it, so that the body responds in a healthy way, such as lowered blood pressure, deep breathing, slowed heart rate, even feelings of peace and bliss?  You do this by creating and practicing your relaxation tools that follow here! Then practice some more! Practice again!  That’s how to make them a habit.

Is there a wonderful memory of a place you have been and loved, that you can practice calling up? Find someplace quiet, without distractions and let your mind wander a bit to that memory. Was it a vacation spot? Was it a clearing in the woods near your home?  Most of us wait until the stress has already hit us, and that’s ok, but it is best to form the habit and to train ourselves to go to this special memory at will. That is the way your new relaxation tools will work best for you.

Think back to a time and place in your life when you felt deliciously relaxed. Close your eyes and imagine it. What was happening?  Allow your imagination to paint you a picture. Were you alone? If not, who was there with you?  What did the environment look like? Were you in a place that was meaningful to you in some unique way? Was it a vacation? Was it a place you go to often, but perhaps it was some special occasion you are recalling? If you were outside, what did the sky look like? What did the clouds make you think of as you watched them drift over you?  What did the air smell like or feel like? Yes, I think air has a scent and a feeling. If you haven’t thought about this before, think about it now.

For example, I will never forget what the air in Mumbai, India felt like when I first got off the plane and out of the airport. It felt heavy, moist, thick, pungent almost, and a combination of a dirty, sweaty New York smell combined with something sweet and exciting.

Were there trees in this picture of the place you remember? What kinds of trees?  Were there flowers? Was there water? Can you call up the sound of a stream gently bubbling past as you stood on its banks and watched the water, feeling totally at peace?

Were you in a chapel, or in a museum where you saw a painting that made you feel awe, holiness and connection to the Universe, all at once?

Were you in a cabin in the woods? Were you in your own home, standing over your child’s crib, listening to his or her soft breathing? Were you safe in the arms of someone you loved?

Close your eyes and summon up the memory. Let your mind drift there. Sometimes playing soft music helps you bring up the memories and the feelings. Slowly let your body relax. Notice how you feel. Sometimes it helps to write down the scene, describing the surroundings and what was occurring, so you will remember it for next time.As you are writing, try to feel it all again.

Now  you have visualized a place and scene that is very personal for you. This works much better than a generic visualization someone has created for you.  Set aside a few minutes of each day to reward yourself. Go somewhere quiet and private, if possible, and replay the scene in your head. At first you  may  need to read aloud what you previously wrote, but after a while, if you practice enough, you will get into this mood and space more quickly. It is like a form of meditation. Now slow your breathing. Put yourself in the scene and notice your breath. Take some slow, deep breaths through your nose, and let them out gently and slowly through your mouth.

See how long it takes you to put yourself into your IRS state of being.  If you practice enough, it will begin to happen with far less effort. You will have mastered these relaxation tools and will be able to carry around your mental toolbox for use whenever you need.

Iris Arenson-Fuller, PCC, CPC  is a life coach, mom, grandma, former adoption agency founder and director, poet/writer. She helps people with grief, loss, tough life changes and adoption loss issues too. Her clients are usually midlife women, widows and Baby Boomer women, though she can work with men and with anyone who resonates with her approach.

Iris does private coaching by Zoom, and runs moderate cost groups, via phone and Internet.

She can be found on Facebook (facebook.com/visionpoweredcoaching), Twitter and at her web site. 

Iris  helps people through tough life stage choices and changes, and guides them to ways to feel more joy, peace and success in their lives.