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A former client, a lovely person, e-mailed me a few days ago with the latest of what has been going on in her life and her family’s. I could all-too-easily relate to what she said and to the last line of her message. That has become the title of this post. I didn’t want to relate to it, but alas, I did.
That evening, I was sorting through bins and bins of financial records (30 years worth) from the non-profit agency I used to direct. I was planning to take a lot of them to a free shredding day at a nearby bank. I tried to be efficient and to put them quickly into piles that made sense, but every few documents, I would get interested in something and would start to read and to dawdle. An old check and a name would trigger a memory. A copy of an e-mail message to me would evoke pictures in my head of a particular family I had worked with, of their kids, or of something that was happening in my life at the time of the message. Then I read a few e-mails I had apparently printed out, written to my treasurer, and sent to him along with copies of invoices and contracts needing to be paid.
One, in particular, stood out. It mentioned that I was a little late sending him the stack of bills to be paid because a lot had been going on. A dear client had died after a lengthy fight against ovarian cancer. An aunt of mine, my mother’s youngest sister, had been found dead in her apartment not long after being released from the hospital. When I went to relay this sad news to my mother, twelve years older than her sister, I found my mother ill, nauseated, with chest pain, and had to call an ambulance. I never got to tell her about her sister. This marked her final decline and after a hospitalization, she had to be transferred to a nursing home, where she spent the final months of her life.
On reading this, many old feelings came up. I read the e-mail to my husband, reminding both of us of that very stressful time. The thing is, that was only one of a long chain of stressful, sad things that happened over a long period of years….over decades.
It sometimes does truly seem to us that life presents one crisis after another, or at least one mini-crisis after another, and just “when we think it’s safe to go and and play”, something new and difficult happens. Even when we try our very best to be as positive as we can, and to expect happier things, “stuff happens”. Sometimes just as we begin to see and to trust the promise of a sunny day peeking through the clouds, an unplanned for thunderstorm pops up and darkens the sky. This is certainly how my former client was feeling the other day when she sent me her message. It is how I have felt countless times in my own life.
There are definitely people who believe strongly that those who have a negative outlook cause negative things to occur in their lives. I believe it helps us get through the worst when we try to see opportunities in hardship and do our best to be positive. I don’t believe in blaming people who have bad luck and misfortune, as I have stated on this blog many times in the past.
The reality is, into every life “some rain must fall”. Some folks seem to have monsoon seasons more than others. We must not stop looking for rainbows, though. We must not lose our sense of hope and possibility, because life does indeed bring some pleasant surprises, often when we least expect them. Even when it seems to us that as soon as we pick up our figurative pails and shovels, gather our playthings and march outside to play, the phone rings and some new and unwanted challenge crops up to take up our energy and attention.
My answer to this dilemma is simple, then. Don’t wait until the rain and wind stop altogether. Don’t wait until you think it is absolutely safe and risk-free, because life may never be. Find a way to override your sense of dread and fear. Go out now! Splash in the puddles every chance you get. Don’t let your playthings or your sense of play get covered with dust and cobwebs. Sometimes we must begin to play, even as tears want to form in our eyes. If we don’t play, if we don’t laugh, if we don’t remember that this moment, however brief, is quiet and calm and it’s time to relax and have fun, our happy and fun muscles will grow flaccid and will deteriorate. Keep exercising those play muscles. No trainer is needed. You have the strength and the motivation within you. Don’t you think so?
Dear readers, when was the last time you played? When were you last silly? When did you stop thinking about whether or not it was safe to go out and play, or stop worrying about what could happen later today or tomorrow? If you know the answers to these questions, please share them here. If you don’t know the answers, it’s time to play.
Iris Arenson-Fuller, PCC, CPC is a Life and Grief, Life Reinvention Coach who works mostly with midlife women, widows and Baby Boomers. She is happy to speak with anyone else who resonates with her approach and wants to see if they are a good match to work together.
