Do you listen to and trust your inner survivor? Why is that important?

Have you ever felt you lived in a world in which you could predict and count on very little?  I think we all have felt that way at times. More and more people are feeling that way right now, sadly.

There’s Covid-19, global warming, constant natural disasters, terrorists, unemployment, and much suffering all over. It can sometimes seem too depressing to read or watch the news, let alone figure out how to get past our own personal baggage and problems.

So as an inhabitant of this crazy world, what can you count on? I don’t want to get into a religious discourse here. Obviously, if you are a person of faith, you can count on your Higher Power, whatever you may call Him or Her (or the embodiment of both). You can’t count on this Higher Power to order your world in the manner you would most like to see, because that’s not how it works. You can count on tapping into your faith and your inner resources to keep you strong and to help you survive whatever comes your way.

I am most interested in how people recognize and access their inner strengths.  Why do some do it more easily and more consistently than others?  Some of us just don’t believe we even have those inner resources. I do love helping them figure out ways to find and build on them, once they discover and acknowledge these exist.  I believe the methods used to help people do this have to be personalized to their own natures and experiences, or they will be filled with doubt and skepticism. This, of course, doesn’t mean I think I have answers for everyone.

One thing I know I can count on, is that I somehow always  manage to pull out my own survival skills. I know this now, even when my world feels like the bottom is about to fall out of it, and I feel I’m going to tumble through the Universe into even more chaos.  At times like this, I make myself remember how I have emerged from pretty dark days in the past.  Though my heart and bones may be weary and reluctant in the face of whatever my newest challenges may be, I muster up the fortitude I need.  I may have to give myself a lot of pep talks to be able to do this. I believe in practicing positive self-talk until it finally becomes automatic, and I think most of us need to do that long before we find ourselves in the middle of a crisis.

I would never tell you not to rely on anyone but yourself, or not to seek help when you are going through tough times. However, in the long run, therapists, counselors, clergy, and coaches (including me)  cannot change your life unless you are ready to do the work it takes and to trust yourself. They/We don’t generally have any magic wands or potions to instantly change things so that you quickly feel better. You have to at least meet them halfway and most likely you need to meet them more than halfway. They can help you identify and alter certain patterns. They can lead you in a positive direction and can help you learn useful tools.  Only you can decide to put them to use. Only you can decide that no matter how much you hurt, no matter who, or what you’ve lost, you are going to find a way to make your pain, your loss, and the life you still have left to live, as  meaningful as possible. You are going to dig within and drag out the faith and strengths you either didn’t know you had, or thought you had lost, because life buried them under piles of hurt and obstacles.

Trusting and believing in your own abilities,  judgment and coping mechanisms is hard sometimes. It could be that you have some old survival tools that have gotten you through life when you needed them, but are not particularly healthy or useful now.  Maybe you learned them from your family of origin.  Maybe you forged them to wear as protective armor when something in life hurt you badly. Now you need to let them go, but you don’t quite know how.

For example, anger at someone or something, may have provided you with the energy to wake up and get through the day after something bad happened to you, or to someone you love. Without this energy you might have spent a whole day in bed under the covers. .You might have given up on living, but your anger focused your attention on someone or something other than on what happened. I am not saying this was a good thing.  Perhaps you just needed to feel that way for a time, so you could ultimately learn from it and move on. Yet, anger and grudges end up hurting us, as well as others.  If we are to heal, we must ultimately learn to let go of our anger and follow a different path.

The first stepping stone on that path is learning to forgive and trust yourself.  It is learning that you are definitely someone you can count on.  You have to learn to listen to that inner survivor and to trust it. This is also the first step in learning or re-learning to trust others. Listen well to your inner voice. If it is playing back too many old and destructive tapes, practice talking back to it. Talk out your thoughts and feelings, and even write them down. Ask yourself the reasons you find it hard to trust your own decisions, choices, feelings and boundaries. This kind of introspection is something that will lead you to a lot of insight.

Only then will you be able to hear the voice of your Inner Survivor. Only then will you see that there is a next step and what it actually is. Your pain will not disappear overnight. Some losses and hurt may stay with you for a long while, but you will be ready to begin living in a more peaceful and purposeful manner.

Ready to do the work for find more peace and new purpose?   Do you want  someone on your team who has the skills, training, compassion, understanding and experience to help you through your tough times, through a loss, or with redesigning your life?  If that describes you, then I am probably someone to whom you should speak very soon.

Contact me:

ir**@vi*******************.com

Or give me a call: 860-242-5941

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