Please be assured, dear readers, that I am not trying to offend anybody.

By now you have probably heard that Harvard historian, Karen King, published a new paper that cites evidence from scraps of papyrus, part of a larger document with an unfinished sentence that references a wife.  There will be further investigation and debate by historians and religious scholars, of course.

I have no scientific evidence and no theories. I also don’t have an axe to grind one way or the other on the topic. I don’t have the expertise to get into the debate, but I am hearing that it is upsetting some folks, who don’t like old and accepted beliefs to be challenged.

What I want to discuss here, is what happens to people when there is a challenge to their old and secure way of thinking and believing.

Our beliefs and values are at the very center of who we are. There are those who cling to their beliefs and convictions, even in the face of a great deal of rational evidence and information that contradicts what they feel is true and correct.  Many react defensively and with hostility when their deeply-held beliefs are shaken up or challenged.  Some dig in harder and hold on more strongly to their positions. Some take to the pulpit and evangelize because they become insecure about their positions and thoughts and need to prove that they still have merit and “truth”, no matter what.

Many of our fiercely held beliefs come from our childhoods.  Sometimes we form our ways of thinking and operating because of  specific teachings from our families of origin. Sometimes, our beliefs grow out of things that are overtly stated in our homes, by our parents, teachers and those we respect and/or fear. Then there are the less obvious and less direct messages that help to form our own ways of responding to life. We may pick up on fears, biases or limiting beliefs that are not openly discussed. but that are still clear to us, based on actions we observe, or on things that do not happen. As we grow up, if we are conscious of the messages from childhood and our experiences in life open us up to a different way of feeling, we may decide to reverse our thinking and the resultant behavior. Sometimes our reversals can be a form of rebellion, or just a way of asserting our own independence.  Our changes in ideals or attitude may just signal maturity, growth, and a commitment to having the “buck stop here”, if our current values are not in agreement with what we were taught, and if we want to lead our lives differently than our parents did, or than the group with which we formerly identified. Still, the original beliefs and attitudes with which we were raised are, in part, responsible for shaping us in adulthood, even when we choose to feel and do the opposite of what we were taught.

For example, when I was a little girl, I tried to fix my older sister up with a cousin of my good friend who lived next door. Cecily and I plotted and giggled for weeks about how we would do this. When the cousin arrived for a visit while I was playing at Cecily’s house, I did not go home for dinner at the appointed hour, knowing that my mother would send my grown sister to fetch me. Prior to the magic hour that I knew my sister would make an appearance, Cecily and I regaled the cousin, a 21 year old, with tales of my sister’s beauty, brains, good nature and accomplishments, until his Aunt rescued him from our 8 year old clutches. When my sister arrived, the young man reported to her that we seemed to be her fan club, and the two had a good laugh over our antics.  I did neglect to report to the cousin that my sister was already engaged to be married. That didn’t seem crucial to our matchmaking plan.

When we got home, I excitedly told my mother that Cecily’s cousin liked my sister, and that I expected he would ask her out on a date. My sister laughed, but my mother grew upset and angry with me. She announced that this was simply not possible…that he was of another race and religion, and it could not happen. I did not understand and was quite upset. I cried and perceived that I had done something wrong, but quickly formulated a bunch of questions that my mother dismissed, felt were disrespectful and waved off.

That day taught me something that stayed with me for a long time.  It was one of many lessons that shaped who I am and that made me reject many restrictions and predetermined paths that were put in front of me as a result of my upbringing. My mother, who loved me a lot, but did not like my constant questions and challenges, often grew impatient with me and she was fond of saying, “Because I said so!”, which never satisfied my curious mind. She had her own strong beliefs and rules about what was and what wasn’t, what should be and what shouldn’t.  If I pushed her too hard and asked too many questions, she held more steadfastly to her position.  I usually ended up getting punished and my mother developed a “headache”, for which I was often blamed. I was frequently told I was “impossible” and just would not accept what was, “the way other children did”.

I am not saying my mother never praised me or acknowledged me in positive ways. She did, but she really did not handle challenges to her beliefs very well. She felt such challenges and questions to be personal attacks, and unfortunately, many people do.

I don’t know how much evidence will be needed to prove or disprove whether Jesus had a wife (or whether she cooked him chicken soup with matzoh balls).  I know that I enjoy debate, and to some degree, even controversy.  When my own deeply held assumptions and understandings are confronted, or denounced, I probably react protectively, and uncomfortably too, initially. Then I feel the stirrings of curiosity and excitement.  I feel enlivened and I begin to ask myself a lot of questions and often, to research and to explore.

I have learned that the world changes, circumstances change, knowledge and ideas change and evolve, and that is how people grow.

Questions to Mull Over:

How do you respond when values and beliefs important to you are challenged or questioned?

How does this make you feel?

Do you respond in the same manner that you did 10 yrs ago when this occurred?  20 yrs ago?

After you have asserted or communicated your own thoughts and values, do you feel good about the way you did this, or do you wish you would have responded in a different way?

Are you able to accept challenges to your beliefs or value system without feeling them to be personal attacks?

Have you ever strongly held on to a conviction that you knew made no sense, that all evidence refuted?

Since most of us don’t like feeling this kind of conflict, what did you do to justify your own beliefs, or actions?

Did you hold on more tightly to what you believed and try to convince others?

Did you grow uncomfortable or angry at the people with the conflicting viewpoints or information?

What steps might you take to respond  differently in the future, if any?