How to Trick Your Grief and Sadness Into Taking a Break
By Iris Arenson-Fuller, PCC, CPC
Sure you’re going through a rough patch right now. There may be some days when you don’t feel like getting out of bed. Maybe you are grieving the death of someone close to you. Maybe you are in the midst of a family crisis and you can’t get your mind off it long enough to do the things you need to do. You are hurting. Sometimes you are even secretly envious of your friends, because you think their lives are easier than yours.
It doesn’t matter what it is you’re hurting about. Everybody deserves a break, and that includes even someone who has been through a terrible loss, or trauma of any kind. You may not believe that, because it’s possible you feel guilty about letting go of your misery and bad feelings. Sometimes you find yourself pretty angry at the world, at the person who left you, or at fate, for causing the circumstances that overshadow everything else in your life. This is all pretty normal in the earlier stages of grief. If it goes on for a long time, seems to become more severe, or you feel hopeless and helpless, you are going to need some help. If these feelings interfere with your ability to function daily, and to experience any joy or pleasure, it’s definitely time to get some help, whether from a counselor or from a life coach who specializes in loss and grief.
Still, let’s say today is Saturday, it’s bright and sunny outside, and a friend has invited you to a local fair. You used to enjoy this particular event that happens annually. You always liked the food, the music, the happy families you saw, and the general atmosphere. Now you are thinking you just can’t do it. It’s too hard. Still, your friend is urging you to join her. You know she means well, but you just want to be left alone. That is how you feel much of the time. Only when you are alone, you dwell on the negatives and you are caught in a destructive whirlpool of negative thinking that you can’t climb out of.
Here’s what to try:
- Tell yourself you are going to hit the pause button and suspend your grief for just one day—today!
- Give yourself permission to go out and have a pleasant time.
- Choose something to wear that has bright colors..
- Get into the shower and get dressed NOW! (Don’t wait till your destructive self starts talking back and giving you reasons to stay home.)
5. Think of yourself as an actor or actress today, rehearsing for the wonderful part of a happy, upbeat person, thrilled with the world around you.
6. Practice smiling in the mirror.
7. Tell your friend you are on your way, and he or she should pick you up.
This is my prescription for you. You will need to try it again, after today, as much as possible, even in small doses, so that a level of effectiveness is reached. When you stop, there will be some withdrawal. So practice whenever you can. I am not saying to ignore your sadness all the time, but only to practice not being sad. You are probably out of the habit. If you don’t tolerate doing this too well on your first try, if the sad or angry thoughts come creeping in, keep practicing. You will have time when you get home, to let yourself be miserable again, if you need to. I hope you won’t so much, and will have a few nice memories of your day, and of how you tricked your grief and sadness for just a while.
Can you make yourself stay in character (Remember, you’re pretending to be an actor or actress now) for one more hour? Two more?
If you practice enough, you just might train yourself to feel better more and more. Will your heartache go away completely? I doubt it, but feeling good is a habit that you can learn and reinforce. Why not give it a try?
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Iris Arenson-Fuller, is a Certified Grief/Life Reinvention/Women’s Confidence Coach, who helps people living with loss, trauma and tough life changes build a new normal and find new joy and purpose in life. Contact Iris for a complimentary consult and to learn more.
