I once heard a radio program while driving somewhere.  They were interviewing some guy whose name I didn’t catch, about Hip Hop stars.  I am not particularly interested in Hip Hop, and was about to change the station.

The guest mentioned how a few of the smartist Hip Hop artists had secured their futures and made a fortune, not just through their music, but primarily  through their other business  holdings and enterprises.  He said that he thought the entrepreneurial spirit had been particularly strong in a couple of people he cited , due to their having been shut out of some other business ventures and perhaps out of certain life opportunities when they were growing up.    He said that being excluded from some avenues simply made them go out and create new options for themselves.

This intrigued me so I ended up listening to the rest of the program and contemplating this idea as a truth in my own life and in the lives of others I know.

In reviewing my life, I think it holds true that sometimes we are who we are,  because of the times we were shut out, blocked and rejected, as well as when we “made the cut”, were considered “insiders” or were included in something we were eager to become a part of.

Groucho Marx, the old-time actor and comedian, quipped,

“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”

     I quit my Girl Scout troop just before they voted to kick me out.  I stood up proudly and somewhat defiantly, against the the racism of the girls in the troop.  I insisted that someone who wanted to join our troop be admitted.   Yes, I knew they were preparing to ask me to leave, when I declared that I was quitting,  but I had to take a stand, and  I refused to be part of their blatant discrimination. I think that moment may have been one that shaped my life. I had no regrets, and, in fact, went on to form a good friendship with the girl who had sought admission. I told her that neither of us should want to be a part of that circle of girls.

     There have been occasions when I “made the cut” and certainly felt pleased when it was a goal to which I had aspired, but I don’t think succeeding, being included or accepted, did anything approaching what being rejected, or maybe even ostracized, did to shape my character for the better. I think not belonging at different points in my life caused me to figure out who I was sooner, to become more determined, more creative and more uniquely myself. I am not sure it made me more “successful”, but then we each define success differently.

     How about you? Have you always been part of the “in-crowd”?  Have you ever felt what it was like to be excluded? What happened? Did this change you in any way? Was it positive or negative? How did you overcome the perceived rejection if this happened to you?  What can you say about yourself today, that has its roots in that once-upon-a-time exclusion or rejection?

     How about sharing?

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     Widowed, divorced, married or single, parent or childless, gay or straight, pain is pain, and  loss or big changes are hard, even when they are changes you actually want, let alone those thrown at you.  I want to help! I am looking for clients who have struggled through loss, trauma, or other big life stage changes, or who face them now. These people are tired of their pain and want to put it behind them. They also want to  find renewed possibilities and purpose.  I help with adoption community issues/adoption loss issues too.

      If you’re struggling through a life or relationship change, or a loss of some kind, you can learn to become a survivor & much more! Let me guide you on a new path. Let’s figure out together some of the best ways to take the good from your past, honor it, but reshape it to make it work for you so you can have the present and future you need and want.  Let’s find the tools you need to succeed at whatever it is you want to do.

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