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What the heck is VDODS? I can see you now, racing to get your Merck’s Manual so you can look up what you think is a mysterious ailment. Don’t run to the mirror to see if you are breaking out in a strange rash either. VDODS means Valentine’s Day Overdose and Dissatisfaction Syndrome.
Judging from things some friends and clients have shared in the past week, I think this syndrome may be spreading like the Noro Virus at a nursing home, or on a cruise ship.
How do you know if you have contracted VDODS? Have you been spending a lot of time searching the Internet for Anti-Valentine cards? Have you been secretly composing some not-so-nice messages you would love to give to your significant other, but don’t have the guts to express? Do you visit the local card shop, spend an hour there reading every card they have, only to find your stomach turning at the soupy, sentimental ones, getting irritated at the so-called funny ones, or the cards trying hard to be sexy, but missing the mark? Do these cards only emphasize to you what you see as the deficiencies in your own life? Do you compare yourself or your relationship, to something you have been sold, and somehow do you always find your own world not measuring up to your fantasies?
Even worse, do the sentimental ones or the would-be sexy ones make you start to cry because your communication with your significant other has reached an all-time low in recent times?
Perhaps a couple of weeks ago, as the first symptoms of this syndrome began to take hold, you told him or her to please just forget about Valentine’s Day this year because you’re just not in the mood. There are are too many stressful things happening in your lives right now, you’re trying to lose 10 lbs and don’t need the chocolates. Was the unspoken message, though, that you have some anger and some hurtful thoughts and feelings you have repressed for a while, that are festering and making you upset? You haven’t had the nerve to get them on the table, or maybe you have tried, and your partner either ignored you, minimized the problems, or invalidated you by telling you there’s nothing wrong and it’s all in your head.
As V Day approaches, you have gotten more and more agitated. What if he or she buys you a saccharine card, a box of chocolate truffles you don’t want, but will eat anyway, or a piece of jewelry? Should you have something prepared with which to gift your partner, just in case? If you do, though, will you feel dishonest and turn your hurt feelings and/or anger inward?
Maybe none of the above is relevant to you and your sweetie. Maybe it’s simply that you are disgusted with the cards you find at the store, and with the endless commercials on TV that tell you that your own marriage or love relationship falls short of the norm if you are not shoring it up with diamonds, or other costly trinkets!
What’s the treatment then? Do you take a good, old fashioned remedy to try quell the nausea and negative feelings that have been growing as V Day approaches? Do you sip ginger tea? Do you dose up on Pepto Bismol? Do you pretend you are just fine with everything? Do you sleep through February 14th and hope nobody notices you’re not at the dinner table? Do you make snide comments and cover things up with a topping of cynicism?
When I was checking out natural remedies for nausea, not quite certain yet where I was heading with this post, I ran across http://tlc.howstuffworks.com/family/home-remedies-for-nausea.htm/ I found this quote… “Once you’ve identified the source of your discomfort, you’re on the path to a cure…”
My readers will not find it new for me to suggest spending some time (now, not later) looking inward and scheduling a truth conversation with yourself. Don’t take a pill and wait for it to make you feel better. VDODS may only be a precursor to some more serious ailments lurking and waiting for the right time to attack you and/or your relationship. If you have a lot of negative and unhappy thoughts and feelings that have been churning around within your head, they will find their way to other parts of your body, if they already haven’t and will make you sick.
Give yourself a real Valentine gift this year. Identify the source of your discomfort . If that means writing out what is bothering you about your relationship, this is a great time to do it. Can you let it pour out on paper? Once it is out there, look it over and decide if you are ready to pass your writings on, or if doing this is to help you clarify your own thoughts and feelings. Should you decide you want to bestow it on your significant other, make sure what you write doesn’t blame, being very careful to use “I language”, instead of “You language”. How about starting with, “I love you and want to share some things I am hoping we can work on together because we care so much about each other”? This Valentine’s Day gift to yourself and to your partner will create more lasting effects than even the extra couple of pounds resulting from a date with a box of your favorite gourmet chocolates. If you settle for the chocolates, once the bon-bons are gone, the repressed or difficult feelings will still be there. If handled the right way, you can start a flow of honest communication that just might make this one of your more memorable Valentine holidays.
