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Gimme some sugar, please.   It is said that sugar works on the brain like cocaine, is an addiction, and is perhaps even more addictive than other recreational drugs. People actually can experience withdrawal when they deprive themselves of sugar and their dopamine receptors become depleted. There is some good evidence that a tendency to sugar addiction is genetic, just like other kinds of addictions, and not everyone has this pre-programming.

So when you say to someone, “Gimme some sugar”, what do you mean?  This is a slang expression, too, for give me a kiss, or give me some affection,

All humans need some affection, touching and closeness, from infancy to the end of their days.We know what happens to infants who are deprived of touching, closeness and warm interaction. They often develop a condition known as Failure to Thrive.

If you have ever had much contact with the very elderly, you have probably seen how important and beneficial it can be to hold a frail hand, to gently stroke an arm, or pat or rub someone’s back. The response can sometimes be dramatic in those who are alone and lonely, and who have very little skin contact with others. Elders can develop Failure to Thrive too.

Some people, though, even who are healthy and young, seem to need more affection and attention from people than others do.   They almost seem to be addicted to the attention and/or feedback others provide, and just don’t know how to do without it.  I don’t think this is genetic, but is most likely learned behavior.  There appears to be something lacking within them, or a voice that constantly reminds them of their craving. I believe they haven’t ever learned to love themselves, or to  give themselves the “sugar” they want and need. In some cases this comes from not having gotten enough affection early on. In others it may come from getting too much praise, often perhaps biased and undeserved.   Have you noticed that many parents nowadays praise their kids for EVERYTHING? Everything the child does elicits a “Good job!” from the parents, even for things many of us older folks used to expect of our kids as part of learning how to be useful, contributing members of society. That kind of praise can make us dependent, or  can make us secretly doubt ourselves too.

We feel better temporarily when we consume something sweet. Our taste buds light up. Our brains light up. We have a surge of energy, but then we crash, and finally we want more…and more. I think people who depend on others to provide the “sweetness in their lives”, to provide them with praise or attention,  begin to need it more and more and more. They become like addicts.

What would happen if these folks learned that they are good enough, sweet enough and capable of  satisfying their own cravings for affection?  That doesn’t mean they would not love and appreciate genuine affection and attention from others, but that they would not require it to light up their brains. They would learn to light up their own brains, and to take pleasure in just being who they are, and in the world around them, as it is, and not as they wished it to be. They would look in the mirror and think, “Life is sweet”, instead of life isn’t sweet enough, so I must have constant reassurance and a fix of approval and adoration from someone else to begin to feel worthy.

How about you? Do you base your self-worth on attention and feedback from the external world? What do you love about yourself?  Are you patient with yourself? Do you forgive yourself as you are inclined to forgive others?  Have you learned how to “talk yourself happy”? Can you look in the mirror and say, “Gimme some sugar” to the face staring back at you and smiling?

Would you like a free consultation about something that is causing you pain? Is there something you would love to change about your world?  Contact your Stop Suffering Sorceress, Iris Arenson-Fuller, PCC, CPC

I help people go from Life Stinks to Life Shines. If you’ve lived through loss of any type, or any tough life stage changes, or are ready for changes, I can help you navigate the rough waters, & come out better than before, regardless of how painful & disappointing things have been. I will help you find a new normal full of hope & promise.

ir**@vi*******************.com