Hey Everyone,

I have a serious question for you today. I really wonder at times if I am living in my own little world, or in an alternate universe?  Do you ever feel like that?  I’ll tell you what has made me feel that way.

I remember that I received a message from someone to whose mailing list I subscribe.  This is person is well-respected by quite a few people I know and also respect. In the past, I  have liked the tone and marketing messages from this individual. I have actually seen messages with similar contact from other people.

Here’s the gist of what all of these people said: They discussed lessons learned from our experiences during the Covid pandemic. What seemed to be their takeaways-all of them-were so completely different from my own.  They said that what they learned was to indulge themselves now in the  material things they have wanted, but have been reluctant or fearful to buy, “because life is hard and short, so live for today. Go on the trip. Buy yourself nice things.”

Maybe there’s something really odd about me. I find it extremely hard to understand how anyone with any depth of feeling could even think that way after all that happened. We had something like a million or more confirmed deaths from Covid  in the U.S. alone. There were many more deaths worldwide.

Here in the U.S. people were evicted from their homes, unable to pay mortgages and rent because of the hit on the economy. There were  unprecedented demands on local food banks and long lines at bulk food distribution sites and free food kitchens.  Lots of folks lost jobs..

People I know and probably some people you know personally (not just statistics) died from Covid. Our kids’ lives and their schooling and friendships were disrupted. We are still seeing the results of this in 2024. Many kids and adults felt increased loneliness and isolation from extended family and friends

Depression and negative psychological effects continue to haunt many I encounter.  In addition to my private practice, I coached on a platform run by an Israeli company and helped with a pilot program designed to decrease loneliness and depression among retirement-age folks. The loneliness and accompanying health issues increased dramatically for this population, based on several studies.  There was also  a large increase in young people from a variety of countries on the platform, who began suffering from depression and anxiety and who  lost multiple family members from Covid, as well as those  on the platform who  directly suffered from systemic racism, poverty and lack of equal opportunity.  I could go on and on.

I have friends in a couple of countries, like Kenya, who normally managed to earn only a few dollars here and there, whose livelihoods were  completely halted or diminished, due to the pandemic and who often could not buy food, pay their kids’ school fees or buy them clothing. The effects have persisted for them years later as their economies have not recovered.

The last thing on my mind, for sure has been buying frivolous material items I can do without,  with hopes that they will somehow increase my happiness and obliterate the rest of what the world has been experiencing.

Maybe I could indulge myself in more material items if I chose to. It’s not that I don’t believe in self-nurturing and self-care, because I do very much believe in those things.  There are many ways to do that.   I just fail to see how a fancy new designer purse, a new car or  jewelry are going to make me feel happier, more at peace, or better in any way.  I admit I haven’t quite felt safe about travel yet, even through we are no longer in the same place we were a few years ago.  Not being able to travel where and when I want sure is a “First-World problem”, isn’t it?  And here in this so-called “First-World”, there are just too many people who still grapple with things they shouldn’t have to be going through.

Yes, I  know very well that life is short and unpredictable and to the best of our ability, we should enjoy it when we can.  I am not depressed. Now that we have the vaccines that are updated when new strains are discovered, I am more optimistic about some things than I was a couple of years ago. Somehow, though, I can’t come to terms with the messages I still see in my in-box. Having lost many loved ones over my lifetime, and often working with people to help them with grief and loss,  I know all-too-well that life is uncertain.  I just don’t choose to respond to that in the same ways it seems that some are taking away as their lessons from the trials the world has been through and is still experiencing.  It feels like those folks are having different takeaways than mine, and than those of the people I know, trust and care about.

We don’t all think alike. That much, I know and accept.  Those bloggers, coaches and others do not seem to exist in the same space I inhabit and their voices don’t resonate with me.

Speaking of blogging and mailing lists, I would love some feedback from you about topics you would like to read about here, or when you receive my mailings.

Iris J. Arenson-Fuller is a Grief  and Loss Transformation/Life Reinvention Coach, certified and International Coach Federation  credentialed coach.  She helps people who’ve lived with loss, trauma and difficult life changes, learn to find a new normal, and to build new hope, joy and success into their lives.  She works quite a lot with widowed women, men and others who have lost loved ones, or are just ready to reinvent their lives because it’s time!

Find her poetry collection, Blooming Beyond Brooklyn: Poems of Roots, Sorrows & Lessons on Amazon or at select book shops.

Find Iris:

www.visionpoweredcoaching.com     (website)

www.facebook.com/visionpoweredcoaching

Iris also periodically offers small and intimate low-cost groups for widows with live monthly Zoom sessions,

as well as one-to-one Life Redesign coaching via Zoom or phone.