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How is your confidence level?  Are you genuinely confident, or are you just faking it?

Do you believe others see the spirit, the poise, the daring, the knowledge, the competence, the compassion, and all the things you are hoping they do?

Nowadays life seems to be all about image! I have heard a multitude of times, that if we want others to believe we are successful, we must act that way, even if it isn’t entirely true.

Diane Arbus, the amazing photographer who sadly took her own life a long time ago, said,  “Regardless of how you feel inside, always try to look like a winner. Even if you are behind, a sustained look of control and confidence can give you a mental edge that results in victory. “

I believe the wisdom of the “Act As If Principle” works in a lot of situations. In fact I often use this in my coaching to help clients change their mindsets, build their own self-esteem and create different realities for themselves.   I have seen it help people conquer a lot of fears, and it’s a good therapeutic and practical technique.  I just wonder what toll it takes on those who are so busy following that advice that they have never fully conquered their inner gremlins, so they end up doing a lot more faking than anything else? What toll did it take on Diane Arbus?

I also believe there is  quite a difference between building our own confidence through examining our thoughts and behavior and committing to change by practicing new, more positive behavior, and simply getting out there and trying too hard to “look like a winner”.  Does it really matter if anyone else thinks you are a winner?  If you put on the clothes, the voice, the demeanor of a winner, but internally, you haven’t changed how you feel about yourself, who is actually winning anything?  You won’t be believable to yourself, or to anyone else with a brain.  You will most likely just feel hollow and inauthentic (if you are honest with yourself) and will appear that way to others who are more than superficial.  The things that caused you to have low confidence in the first place, will still be present.

This is why positive self-talk doesn’t always work with everyone. It is often just talk. There is no deep understanding, no setting of an intention to change behavior and no action that follows the talk.

So, do you know what you project to others?  Is there something you are afraid to look at within yourself?  Are there some things about which you are extremely confident,  not so much about other things? Can you remember a time when  when your confidence about something was strong, and you experienced great results because of it? Can you make that experience turn into learning that will work for you now?

What does confidence look like to you when you see it in others? What draws you to those people?

If, after reflection, you find you have been faking your confidence more than feeling it, do you think this has taken a toll on you, and/or on your business?  How?  In what areas have your self-esteem and confidence lagged? Would you  be willing to begin to build them by initiating a specific plan of positive self-talk, and THEN following this with new actions that need to be repeated consistently enough that they turn into habits?

Sharing of your reflections and RESULTS over time, is always welcome here. Please come back and tell us.

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Hi!  I’m, Iris Arenson-Fuller,  your Coach With the Practical Heart, and Your Stop Suffering Sorceress.

Let’s talk about how I can help you. There’s no obligation. Consults are free. You have nothing to lose and a lot to gain.

Email me and let me know a good time to talk. (Don’t forget to include your time zone and phone number please.  ir**@vi*******************.com” target=”_blank” rel=”noopener”>ir**@vi*******************.com