I heard a piece on NPR a while back that mentioned how Warren Buffett makes a practice of disclosing to his shareholders whenever he makes a mistake. He tells them what his mistake was, takes responsibility, tells them what the cost or consequences will be and what plan he has to take action and change the situation.
This isn’t something we see much or hear much about nowadays. It made me ponder if this model could be used more broadly.
Maybe we all need to take some lessons from Mr. Buffett. How often do we stumble across people who are even willing to admit their mistakes, let alone do the rest mentioned here?
I would love to see such a plan made available to parents as training for modeling behavior to their kids. Maybe it has application for pre-teens and teens? What if this could be a tool to use in relationships with a spouse or significant other? With friends? At our own workplace? Perhaps there might be a folder of blank forms in a place accessible to family members or co-workers? I envision something like this:
My Responsibility Tool
Name:______________________________________
What I believe I did, said, or what went wrong that I am willing to take on as my responsibility?______________________________________________
______________________________________________
_________________________________________________
On who or what did my words or actions have the most effect?
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
What happened as a result of my words or behavior?
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
_____________________________________________
______________________________________________
Are there any future negative or hurtful implications (things that haven’t occurred yet but that this has set in motion) that could be changed or stopped?
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
When did this occur?___________________________________
___________________________________________________
Was it a one-time thing or did it occur repeatedly?
_________________________________________________
If this is something I say or do often, what might some of the reasons be that make me keep doing this?
______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
________________________________________________
How does it make me feel to acknowledge that?
_______________________________________________
________________________________________________
What I think I would like to do to make amends or to change the situation
_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
Who, or what do I need (if anybody) in my corner to help me and support me in making amends or changing the situation for the better?
_______________________________________________
______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
When will I set this in motion and what will be the first thing I plan to do to rectify or change things?
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
How will I/others know that I am adhering to my plan?
________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
What about my life, peace of mind, comfort level will feel better whenI change or correct what has happened to the best of my ability?
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
What if……It is not really possible to change the situation I have caused, created or have been a catalyst for? How do I forgive myself and move on from here? What are my lessons and takeaways?
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
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Bob Vance says
This is great Iris.
It is interesting that in the healthcare and mental health fields there is much suspicion about using apology as a good relationship building tool, even though I have read that satisfaction surveys have proven that people are much less likely to take legal course of action as a response to a mistake, even very serious ones, if they perceive that the practitioner has been honest and forthright about their responsibility in the mistake and didn’t use an apology to complain about or blame other professionals or as a backhand way to defer blame back to the “customer”.
Often apology is regarded as an open door for lawsuits when just the oppsite is the case. I like to apologize, do it often, find it opens doors to new levels of trust and exploration of themes in whatever helping field you might work in, and your model gives the thought behind an apology new depth and a baiss to go forward with it with confidence.
Iris Arenson-Fuller says
It is always an honor when you say you like something I do. There seems to be a great deal of blame-laying in today’s world. I enocuntered it with a physician lately and was appalled when this person attempted to blame another practitioner for overlooking something. Two little words from the doc would have made a huge difference to me in how I felt about the situation. I also meet parents all the time who don’t like to say “I’m sorry” to their kids when they make a mistake. Many seem to think it demeans them in the eyes of their kids and I think it achieves the opposite result.