When you have been hurt in a deep and terrible way, and have lived through loss, you need to figure out at some point, what to let go of and what to keep. Doing so will help you move on with your life.
If the past year has been one of loss and hurting for you, I send you thoughts of compassion and strength. May the New Year be one in which you learn to tap into the inner resources and the Cosmic Powers that will carry you to a happier place, May you be fortunate to find the right kind of help to enable you to do that, if it feels like it is out of reach for you to accomplish on your own right now. The help is out there in many different forms. When you invite it into your life, it will usually come to you, once you are ready to allow it to happen.
It is hard work to let go of the pain of losing someone, or sometimes even the loss of something you loved and cherished. Change is inevitable, but when it assaults you, when it is unexpected, even when it was expected, or when you didn’t ask for it to happen, it can sting you like the sharpest of needles.
When someone is gone from your life, whether the loss is by death, divorce or other circumstances, I know there are days when it feels like the light has been turned off in your life. No matter how hard you try to accept it and to move on, the pain is intense and at times you don’t think you can continue to bear it.
Nonetheless, you have to bear it. There are things you have to do to survive and there are probably people counting on you, no matter how awful you feel. That may be difficult to accept and when you are feeling down, you may actually resent that reality. You put one foot in front of another and carry out as many of your daily functions as you are able, but you don’t seem to be capable of recapturing the joy, the motivation or the connection to life that you had in the past, before your loss.
There may even be feelings of guilt when you try to reclaim your place in life, or to do something new and different. You may well want to, but if you have lost someone or something precious, you may fear that by letting go of your pain and moving ahead with any kind of new passion or purpose, you are somehow invalidating or erasing the past.
I am here to tell you that you can let go of the pain. You may not yet understand how, but as soon as you make a firm decision that it is time to let at least a little of it go, you will see that your wings are readying to fly. They are getting stronger, perhaps without your realizing it. You will then begin to build momentum. The winds of life will carry you at first, until you are strong enough to take over and travel under your own power.
Through death, I have personally lost many of those I treasured. I have had to adjust to many other big changes, and had to suffer and grow through the challenges of reshaping myself and my purpose in life more than one time. I know that we are capable of climbing out of even the deepest part of our pain. That is not to say that there won’t be new hurts and new obstacles ahead. “Phantom” pain may return at times, to make moving forward hurt again, as our loss and pain “nerve endings” can demand our attention at surprising moments.
Still, if we are determined, we can do it, and in doing so, we can and must hold fast to the love we had for those people who are no longer in our lives. They are still here with us, affecting us, our thoughts and actions in so many ways. If it is not a person who is gone from your life, but you have lost something of a different sort of significance, you can let go of the negative, unaffirming, unhappy parts, without obliterating the happier memories of times when things were good and hopeful. All of these things, all of these emotions, all of this learning are now highly important pieces of the person you are today.
By making a commitment to change, and to finding happiness again, there is no betrayal. You are letting go, but you are not really losing what was. You are simply absorbing it all, keeping it within you, discarding what hurts so much that it holds you back, and retaining the most loving parts of who or what used to be. The person or situations that used to be part of you, were in your life for a reason. Honor the reason or reasons, but lose the hurt and even the anger. It’s ok.
Can you do that in 2018?
Are you someone who has been through, or is going through a difficult life change, or who has suffered a loss of some kind? I can help you through individual coaching work or through one of my group programs I have a new group program starting soon, for mature women who are ready to move out of pain and to reclaim and redesign their lives.
Let’s talk! I offer free consults. Write to email@example.com (Iris Arenson-Fuller, PCC) to set up a time to chat. I can work with people located in most places, via phone coaching with email support.